Last week Daily Anchor Editor Ella Keeven wrote a great article about her frustrations with job hunting in a recession, “If All This ‘how-to…’ During A Recession Advice Worked, Then Why Don‘t I Have A Job?!”
While Ella offered great insight into how to better position yourself in a job search by thinking of yourself as a product and a prospective employer as the customer, I’ve found another novel approach to the recession job search…
A colleague forwarded me the following Craigslist post, and while it’s wholly vulgar and wide outside the usual tenor of The Daily Anchor, I thought many of our readers would relate to this one man’s frustration.
Kids, don’t try this at home.
_____
via Craigslist:
I Need a Fucking Job:
Fine, Don’t Fucking Hire Me, You Can’t Handle My Shit
Date: 2008-12-02, 10:34PM CST
What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin job, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE FUCK?!
Cover Letter? Here’s my fucking cover letter!
Now, I’m really low on money, and I’ll suck a dick if I have to…that’s right!
Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I’ll fight that motherfucker and I’ll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! FUCK NO! What’d you say? You lost your keys? FUCK IT! I’ll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That’s how bad I need a motherfuckin job! Your brother is gay and you’re not cool with that? I’ll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don’t believe me?! Then hire me and I’ll fucking show you!OBJECTIVE
I need a motherfuckin job.SHIT I HAVE DONE
-I invented the moon.
-Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom’s vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine.
-I am also a wolverine.
-Had sex with the Spice Girls.
-The blowjob machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it.
-I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse.
-Watched the movie “Juwanna Mann” at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/
-Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave.
-I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works.
-When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind.
-My brother is the Eiffel Tower
-Direct descendant of Beowulf
-Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment
-Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19
-Proficient in Microsoft Office and PhotoshopRELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing
POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most peopleGreenHate Enterprises
POSITION: Once Again, I was a fucking Front Desk/Administrative Assistant
DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing…documents of hate.REFERENCES
Glomgor Evil
GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings
gorlock@peanutbutternipples.comSloblor the Muck Monster
GreenHate Enterprises
sloblor@greenhate.comSo, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything.
Sincerely,
Steve Madonna
Photo credit: yipemike
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I got ‘let go’ from a holiday temp job today. Took me three fucking months to find it too. Don’t put too much hope in university. That piece of paper you earn along with the thousands of dollars of debt isn’t going to get you shit. I finally went back and finished my BA. I graduated a year ago. It has only hindered me. “Thanks for you interest, but we think you would be happier somewhere else” (Over fucking qualified). “Sorry, but you don’t have enough experience.” I’m so sick of this BS. No shit I’m overqualified for washing dishes or flipping burgers or cleaning your fucking building, but there aren’t any other jobs in this city. Don’t worry about me running off to ‘a better paying job’ or ‘a company more to my liking.’ THERE ISN’T ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO. And they all know it too. And I DON’T BLAME ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS for taking all the job. I BLAME THE FUCKING CORPORATIONS for giving the jobs to them. If jobs weren’t so easy to get here, people would stop coming. But hey, this way companys can pay less than minimum wage, treat their employees like slaves, and words like ‘benefits’ have never been whispered within the company walls… CHEAP BASTARDS!
hahah nice one. i was pissed off and i just typed ‘i need a fucking job’
nice craigslist post. I <3 the part “shit i had done”
me too.
To all of you reading this post do not vote, do not look for a leader, do not give a rat’s furry ass. This whole system is fucked! Do you hear me FUCKED! It is nothing but a system that benefits a bunch of rich cocksuckers who beat us over the head with “hard work always pays off”. FUCK THAT! I know a guy who sent out over 200 resumes and got only 5 mother fucking phone calls. This economy is full of shit and the nation it self is headed for the grand shitter. There is NO economic recovery going on. If u believe that u r retarded and need to be shot. Fuck this optomistic brying. People left n right saying that u should always try and never give up! The system is rigged! We cant hire ourselves! Those jobs are for the bosses relaives, brown nosers, and fuc buddies not 4 QUALIFIED APPLICANTS. If u ask me people are not taking this recession seriously enough, there needs to be riots and general fucking choas before people things will change.
I just left the army and cant get a job anywhere i am in the same boat as everyone else i went to afghanistan for seven fuckin months for this shitty country for shitty wages and they cant even be bothered to let me clean their toilets now im out of the army, this country sucks. and to top that off my dad, he works in a factory that makes doors he has done for 8 years and has not had a pay rise since, and his boss walked up to him on the day his mother dies (my grandmother) and lent on his work bench and said cheer up for fuck sake its not the end of the world and then he went to his car and drove off in his brand fucking new range rover with over a thousand pounds worth of wine inside…………………… CUNT!!!
FUCK THIS SHIT! I JUST Went to an interview for a management job and they lied about the job over the phone they need reps to sell DIRECT T.V I have a degree from DEPAUL I have traveled all over the world I don’t want to work a 35 k job because lets face it if your in IL your net worth would be 19 k how am i suppose to pay 800 a month for rent and another 900 a month in student loans.direct t.v was not even offering 35 k 100% commission Blow me
Anne
haha I got so frustrated looking for a job on the net, I ended up typing in google ‘ I NEED A FUCKING JOB’ and this article came up. I feel this motherfuckers pain!!! I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck education and uni, you study till 4am and wake up for a 9am lecture for what? being fucking jobless at the end of it. When I have kids im going to fly kick them in the face out the door to look for work at 5 years old. thats the only way
Same shit here guys…I just moved to the UK a few months ago to live with my boyfriend and I still can’t find a job although I’m looking for a job every single day and the worst thing is that I’m qualified, I have a wicked portfolio but I just don’t have enough fucking experience and of course I will continue not being experienced if someone doesn’t fucking hire me. What’s wrong with the world, for fuck sake….And then I’m supposed to stay at home every day and improve my skills and my portfolio but it’s pointless cause they won’t fucking hire meee……….
Everything written on this site is absolutely true!!!
I have experience in the retail industry, administration duties and Fitness industry. Qualification for the Fitness industry I was told I only needed certificate III and that will guarantee me emloyement.$1000 later completing the qualification along with Level 2 First Aid and CPR Certificate, landing a job within the fitness industry, 2 years later I found a different job with better money being 3 years within the company and being the Manager “rent went up” and they shut the store with only 1 week notice prior, using as like pieces of shits with a 1 week warning to prepare ourselves with unemployment and helping them get rid of their shit with no appreciation!!!
Thinking I should be okay knowing I had my certificates and shits load of experience finding a job within the fitness industry and other jobs should be breeze but it wasn’t enough anymore!!!!
I have ben unemployed and looking for work for 5 months, everyone is rejecting us and not giving any of us a chance!!! These fucking morons just look at degrees and masters knowing you got hard working people right in fucking in front of them like you and I!!!!
I Googled I NEED A FUCKING JOB and this came up, all I got to say it made my day easier knowing I’m not the only one going through this. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK feels so good to expresssssss your thoughts XxXx
I have been out of work for nearly a year; however, I am now in college full time, “taking advantage of my time sitting on my ass” Anyway i feel for all you unemployed out there. The President is full of shit, there are no new jobs being created, they are all moving overseas, and the ones here are hiring illegal immigrants. So what is the best thing to do in this situation? Well for me i have decided to go back to school, keep in mind by the time i get a bachelors degree ill be 38 years old, question is will anyone hire me being that old? Well if not, then ill take up arms against the United States Government, become a bank robber and revolutionary war soldier. and start a revolution.
So I am optimistic, there is always a way out of this shitty situation. 
Fuck you D.C.!
I feel the same way as I have been out of work for several months. I had an interview the other day and got the classic “well, I have several other interviews, but I will know something Friday. I know damn well this mother fucker isn’t going to call me and would have appreciated it if he had just said “don’t waste your fucking time waiting on a call you are not getting it”. I have a wife and kid, and am just about to exhaust the rest of my unemplohyment benefits. Good news is I get an Associates degree this month, so I can be proud of a worthless piece of paper that cost me thousands of dollars. Going to get a bachelors next. If nothing else, the loans will keep me and my family alive. maybe once I get a masters, McDonalds will hire me part time. Got beat out by a pimple faced teenager last time. I seriously wish a bunch of you would die so I wouldn’t have so much competition. I know that seems mean, but there are too many of you fuckers in the world and I cannot find a job. I got laid off my last job because of my attitude. I busted my ass everyday and was upset this co worker could call in once a week and just stand around when she did come in. Of course, the company decided to bring her back and laid me off. Suck my balls Chef John you Gordon Ramsey wanna be prick! Next interview I have where I can tell I’m not going to get the job, I may just tell the goofy ass looking hiring manager what I really think. Done venting for now, good luck to all, I feel your pain! P.S. fucking shit cocksucking monkey fuck goat ball slurping cocksucking mother fucking son of a fucking bitch I NEED A JOB!!!!!!!!!
I really love this…i feel like this at this moment…im 21 and never had a job been filling out apps since age 16 and only had 4 interviews my whole life Dx
Well said. Bravo.
I’m nearly pissing in my pants in tears.
I have searched for a public school position as an English teacher for more than 5 years, with a MA in teaching. It’s daunting.
Dude. I felt exactly like you. You need to walk into your next interview and tell them you work 24 hours a day and you will do whatever they need you to and they will hire you. Don’t brag, because they already have their pick.
For all you fucken agent-provaciturs who are just lining up your pockets with our hard erned money living large go and fuck yourselves a.s.a.p. ,and hurry-up! The leadership of this country is totally worthless! A bunch of fucking promises is all we as a people have heard! Gat this country back on it’s feet or get the fuck down the ramp tramp!!! Give us our nation back as well as our jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!! If you’re looking for a job, don’t come to Colorado! This craigslist post is very funny! I feel the same way. I have had many interviews, but they always hire someone else. I feel like they’re just giving me an interview to fill up interview spots, so they don’t get in trouble for not doing “enough” interviews. But that pisses me off because that’s wasting my time and effort. And time I don’t have to spare…. So, FUCK YOU to all the employers in Colorado!!! I hope I can say that in this comment. Haha!!!!!
AMEN,
Been out of work for 4 months due to a layoff (they moved the factory to Mexico, but I’m not going to get started on that rant.) I am a fully qualified UNIX systems administrator and Network technician. I had a job as an Assembly Technician at Trane and let my certifications for CISCO slip (because I had a secure job, right?) Now I am laid off and every job I apply for requires a Master’s degree. The ones that don’t see me as either over-qualified or lacking proper requirements. So I applied to HP in Colorado Springs as a UNIX Systems Administrator and they told me that I HAD to have active CCNA and RHSAC. My response was simply, “People, if I had the money to re-certify I WOULDN’T BE APPLYING FOR THE FUCKING JOB IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE BECAUSE I WOULD ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING JOB!” I cannot afford $800 for re-certifications, I have already drained my savings keeping my 3 kids alive (I am widowed.) I have nowhere else to turn too and I cannot support my family by working at McDonalds. (Like McDonalds is hiring anyway.)
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
fuck a job. be a comedian. much less work.
much less money too
Dear employer,
I attach my C.V. (resume) for your delectation. As you can see from my education and experience I am capable of staff management, personal assistance; secretarial, administrative, it, receptionist, facilities and health and safety roles. Due to the current job market I am willing to do cleaning, catering, caring (including arse wiping), all sexual services and anything you may wish for. I will work for nothing, in fact, I will pay you to give me a job….
Ha, ha, ha …I expect that’s what the fuckers want now and even then they probably will still either not respond or initially respond and subsequently ignore you.
What a crock of shit! there are so many people job searching that you need to be a cross between a flipping mastermind and a saint to get an interview these days and then they probably will tell that you “made the final selection but there was one candidate you was more experienced than you”.
This is the UK job situation at the moment – pah!!!
Anyway keep at it folks and good luck, you’ll need it!
id just like to know after you done this did you get a job
if yes then im FUKEN DOING IT TOO
FUK MY LIFE IVE BEEN APPLYING FOR JOBS FOR 3 MONTHS AND I STILL CANT GET ONEE!
Loved it! I am laughing my ass off! I’ve been looking for a new job. The job I have is shitty and doesn’t pay at all. What I make cannot support a family of three, especially with one child sick all the time. I have a fucking degree but thanks to all these fucking schools in New York and all these online courses, any mother fucking tom dick and harry can get a degree, which makes my bachelors shitty. Now, nearly every job in NY requires a masters, for a god damn administrative position, not even executive position to the CEO, just a shitty administrative position. There is a TCI school near this fucked up job I work, and what do i see, ghetto hood rats acting as if they are in highschool still smoking weed before class. yeah, these are the fuckers that ruined bachelors creditability. I’ve applied for numerous jobs in all fields, with my experience and background, I should get something, yet, I don’t. Why. Because they want a mother fucking Masters degree and if you only have a bachelors degree, they demand so much experience and specific requirements that it makes it impossible to get a job. Fuck, now I’m going have to spend more money and go get a mother fucking masters degree, lets see how long that lasts, because I’ve also been noticing city jobs asking for PHD’s and Masters…and if you have a bachelors, your assed out of the city job.
YOU are so Fuckin right !!!!!!!!!! My ass is thinking about getting a masters as well
FUCK THE JOB MARKET! PUNK BITCHES!
I just moved and got the very first job I applied for…
Oh, but… yeah, that sucks. Good luck!
Thank you SO much for the much needed laugh! I feel the same way as that guy!
That made my job hunt today so much better! Just moved to the other side of the US and all I do all day is job hunt. What a pain, but that made all the pain turn to laughter.
I applaud this Craigslist post of unequivocable piss-offedness. I feel the same way.
This economy sucks and anybody who sees it getting better right now missed the common sense boat. not to mention these old a** people who need to retire & wont move the hell out of a job so someone else can get in. So they work til they’re 70. Stupid old bats.
But my MAIN aim is at these lying, living off the fat of the land employers who say they’re hiring and put people thru hoops of hellfire to get a damn interview let alone a job.
Here is my pathetic story, all true: I have a college degree in studio art (sometimes wish it were something else as it is hard as hell to get a lucrative job in art, even graphic design where the money’s at) & I also have experience as an administrative assistant. In short I have enough experience and a hard work ethic. I was an activities director at an assisted living facility (I will even give the name: Magnolias) in the south. I worked my a** off for years (it’s hard work as u run around trying to fill seniors ENTIRE day with activities). I even had them doing plays. I broke my neck trying to finally get a raise. One day I was called into office and told there were budget cuts & my job would be cut. But the girl in the same dept. with less years there was allowed to keep her job. She was white. To my ex boss T.W.: you are a bitch. Read on. I’m not racist. I get treated like shit. I worked at the library in town. The 1st library in this town (so I was their 1st librarian). I even helped to set the place up with tons of books (took days n days with help from a nice volunteer there for the summer from Yale) AND painted a mural on the wall to this day. I handled the summer activities and tutored ALL subjects for the summer academic program (couldnt find a volunteer so I had to do it all). The library went from a municipal (town) library to a branch library with the county so I wasnt event fired. I was just let go. A white guy works there now. To all you boardmembers who didnt fight for me: fuck you.
Years later, I’ve had a few jobs and just left a hotel job (the lady there fired another girl over the cash drawer being short .25…this bitch doesn’t always count the drawer correct herself…I know becuz I have counted behind her). Now I am looking for work using these useless jobsites & more direct methods and my ass gets NOwhere. I have experience in multiple areas of customer service AND I am a visual artist/graphic designer. WTF???? I went all the way to FL for an interview with a piblic design company. I even was asked to email her more samples of my work. I went thru all that AND two weeks waiting pnly to be told she liked my work but found someone more suited for the job. This would be normal if wasn’t for the fact this happens to me ALL the FUCKING time in emails: we like what you do/have but we found someone fitting us better. This just happened to me today in an email from AT&T! After filling out a stupid bullshit of a trillion page form online like I was applying to be a damn biochemist. I was even told years ago by some hotelier that I didn’t get the job but I was “2nd choice”. WTF???? I am supposed to feel better knowing I maaaaybe coulda had the job? Asswipe.
I also have an deal where I get people telling me they will contact me and I wait and wait. I get tired of waiting and call them only to be told (lied to) that the are looking at apps and will hire in two weeks. You ass! You said THAT four weeks ago AND two weeks ago!
I hope all these employers who lie & feed your head hopeful nothings & treat employess like shit get theirs. I hope they hire complete incompetents who sre on a surefire path to ruin their business just like they ruin someone’s self esteem. These people made it in life and are to prickish to give back.
If I ever own my own business and I have to hire, I will not have jobseekers fill out a tremendous amount of paperwork cuz they may not get the job. That is a HUGE waste of someone’s time. I also will get back to them ecven if they don’t get the job instead of leaving them wondering. I will also give a list of places they can try if I don’t hire them. Places I KNOW are hiring so they don’t lose hope. God is good. You are supposed to heelp people.
People are sick and they are liars. These people need to get over themselves.
You couldn’t say better! is almost 2012 and I still haven’t found a job…well that is not completely true tho, I got a job for one month and the MOTHERFUCKERS let me go with the most lame excuse I have ever heard in my working life…your personality didn’t fit! wtf is that?
so I have been in search of a job for 2 years and 4 month…I applied to all sorts of job from 7.25 an hour and on…if is not that I am over qualified, I am under qualified…is always a whole lots of crap and lying bastards…I will probably be homeless this winter…and nevermind applying to public assistance…if you are not working they don’t help you, and if you are working and make .50 cents more than the table of income qualification standard they won’t help you…
Is all so Great!!!
Oddly enough YOU TOO could be in those porn movies. Gigs section of craigslist. Some llsted as modeling. The Raw Story ran a story about college girls prostituting themselves to sugar daddies, not just anyone, and the response was – yawn, how is that news.Welcome to what Russia was like 10 years ago with zero jobs.
Most common jobs at my location in U.S. on craigslist is: Sales, CDL Driving, and an occasional odd listing : Female only Bachelor degree technical sales support & on-call must speak Spanish $70k.
Call Me. I have a job for you. 1- 800-EAT-SHIT!
Surprisingly, someone might still hire you regardless of your profanity.
Yeah, I do not want to show anger. That is why I just could care less and keep applying for other jobs until I do get hired.
hello hilarious but very angry people, I have a job opportunity for you, call me (858) 771-0842
Thank you for making my awful day of job searching so much better. This post may not have gotten you a job, but it sure did make my day. Too funny.
if anyone lives in california there alot of places hiring where I work at in ontario California there a shit load of warehouses hiring people the exit is on etiwanda turn left if your going west when you exit (you’ll be going south) or in san diego there is a company called iss services (look them up online) they will hire anyone, they dont pay much but its something its around $10 an hour. so ontario ca or san diego ca . hope this helps.
my friend and i have been looking up jobs and it was starting to piss me of so i went to google and typed in i need a mother fucking job and this shit pop up and we couldnt stop laughing !!!!
E X A C T S A M E S T O R Y
Looool, yes, this brightened my gloomy job hunting day by far.
This made my day, I typed up i need a motherfucking job out of frustration being unemployed for a month and this post nails it straight up!
Thanks for sharing this post with us!
I’m having a terrible day, fixin to go to sleep and I googled “I need a fucking job.”, this came up and I am no longer going to bed angry. Big thanks to whoever this guy is, you honestly changed my night for the better.
LOL That’s how I found the article!
LOL Me too.
LOL ME THREE!
Eh! I feel the pain, been working since I left high school. in 1995, did everything, from fast food cook, to galvanizing metals, worked Packaging, shipping, to computer technician, Wife fell sick while pregnant, kid arrived too soon (27 weeks and only 1pound and a half) quit my job to take care of kid. after 5 years, kid is alright (no brain damage) good now I can go back to work. all computer tech job tells me to go back to school to get back on track, (fuckers, I know more about computers than they do) I decide to go back to school (Paramedic) Find out wife is a fucking cheater, (I had sniffers on my network) so got all her chat with some dudes, I leave her and I am fucking broke, be cause she keeps the house. Court battle ensues, for kid (she wants to get exclusive rights on our kid) 8000$ later I win and decide we should get shared custody.
So now I have to quit school (not going to be a Paramedic) was 3 months away from graduating. Bank doesnt want to loan me any money … Been sending resume for the past 4 fucking months, and not a single phone call
I have a loving sister that’s been helping me. but I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel … Can’t even get a job to pick up garbage on the street …
damn this is depressing. I am a banker making 6 figs. you dudes effed up somewheres along da line….bra
Yeah hope your bank doesnt shut down huh there bitch!
i dont believe you, shut up.
your a banker make 6 figures and your saying we fucked up a long the way. You pencil dick mother fucker, be thankful you got lucking getting a 6 fig job where you rob people of their money on outlandish fees. You self righteous mother fucker, not everyone here fucked up as you are assuming. Life is mother fucking hell and its a bitch to all, but there are those who do right, who work hard and still get fuck. Don’t put us all in the same barrel and claim we fucked up somewhere asshole. Fucker like you get hit worst later on, can’t wait to see you fall from your six figure salary and cant’ handle life. Pencil dick.
Damn straight u tell that cheese dick ass eating mother fucker! Plenty of fine upstanding Americans are out of work and trying fucking hard 2 find 1. This shithole economy has made the rich richer and the poor fucking poorer. That banker probably isnt a banker just some pussy looking 2 get on someone’s nerves. Fuck him with a capital F!
omg im having such a shitty day so i decided to google i need a fucking job an this came up omg i cant stop laughing
i want job
My god I thought I was the only one who feels like Steve. I just went through 4 weeks of presceening and background checks. I told the hiring manager right off the bat (sales position) that I only had 1 yr of college but spent 4yrs in the USMC in leadership rolls. I also have 20yrs experience in my field. The final decision was made in TX and they came back FUCKING 4 WEEKS LATER to say “sorry we are only looking ot hire someone with a 4 yr degree”. WTF OVER!!!!! This whole market and job sitution sucks sweaty donkey balls. And here is the deal….. It aint gonna get better. Oh yea the guy who has kids, wife and mortgage… To fucking bad. You made your bed now sleep in it. We all have a cross to drag around these days. So grow a set and own the responsibily you spawned.
Job = Fml the end..
Job,, ha. Should be spelled Jobb, that way it would be a 4 letter word.
Been working since the day I graduated from high school. No College.
Dad always said “Learn a trade, do it well & that’s all you’ll need” Thanks Dad, (God rest his soul) glad you are not of this earth any longer because I’d be a big disappointment to him. I’m older than most on here, graduated from H.S. way, way back in 1981! Took 2 years of auto mechanics class in school & 2 more years in a vocational school. I went right to work after graduating at one of the biggest Chevrolet dealers here in western NY.
I thought I had it made. Started out as a car hop, (the kid that moves cars around, in & out of the shop) & did it well, then after about a year, moved up to a new car prep guy, yes, a car washer. After another year or so, moved into a basic mechanic position, doing simple oil changes, tire rotations & wheel balancing. Then I became the suspension guy. Did front and rear end alignments, replace struts & shocks, frame repair & frame alignments after collisions. After becoming one of the best front end guys (got a reputation with the corvette guys as the “go to guy” for the best 4 wheel alignments) I went “to the line” as a general mechanic. Went to G.M. school & took every course available, & after 3 years, became a “A Tech”. I was making very good money at the time. I was at the top of my game until one day when I was 28 yrs old, had the world by the balls, repairing a 1988 Corvette engine. As I was pulling the heads off, I reached across the engine & went to lift the head, & it was stuck on, as I pulled I felt a sharp pain shooting from my lower back down to my toes on my left foot. After living with this pain for a month, I lost all feeling in my leg. Dr did a M.R.I. & found 2 herniated discs. L4-5 & L5-S1. Basicly I was fucked. Then came the Physical Therapy, the many, many, steroid shots into my spine, I decided to have a simple surgery. Cleaned up the discs, the dr told my wife (while I was in recovery) “there was a lot more damage than I expected” & that I’s likely need more surgery down the road to fuse the 2 levels. Well, 4 years later, after changing positions (Now I was a service advisor, writing service orders, not working on them anymore due to the pain) was going to have the fusion as a last ditch effort to get my life back, the surgen(S) said, we won’t touch your back because there is too much damage & you waited too long. So, here I am. A 48 yr old, half crippled old man with the mind of a 28 yr old kid, without a job. Watching my wife go to work to support my sorry ass, In pain 24/7. Taking oxycodone like candy, Trying to decide where to point the barrel of my Ruger 9mm pistol. In my mouth or side of my head? That’s what I think about day to day when normal people think about whats for dinner.
Oh well. So the next time you go to work & think, Man I hate my job, & I wish I got better pay, it can always be worse. I wish I could go to work doing almost anything. I’d love to clean the shitter if I could do it without horrible pain & a cloudy brain because the oxys are kicking in.
When you put it that way you are right, those of us who still have a shitty job are and should be grateful, but its frustrating especially when being a responsible husband and father and not being able to provide 100%, hits hard for some people.
Kent,
I don’t know you, but I am concerned about you.Please find someone to talk to about your suicidal thoughts. Perhaps your doctor can help you.Or call a suicide hot line.
so… sure… very creative and entertaining post but… you pukes need to get real. try having 2 kids, a wife and a mortgage and having made close to 6 figures but now looking at taking a job at a fraction of that just because there is nothing else out there. i cant even get all the crap jobs you guys are talking about because they wont hire me because they know i will be out the door as soon as something else better comes up even though that could be a decade from now. stop fucking whining.
This was beautiful. I cried a little.
been looking for a job two fucking years now. No reply job spend most time looking at porn even that is boring cos’ it is not the only thing that is fucked is the country.
ALL MUHFUCCIN READY! MY NAME IS MATT AND I TOTALLY AGREE WITH WHAT YOU GUYS ARE GOING THROUGH. HELL…..I NEED A FUCKIN JOB TOO! CERTIFIED ELECTRICIAN ,BARBER, AND COMPUTER SPECIALIST…. YET MY POCKETS ARE FULL DARKNESS…CANT AFFORD LINT..SHIT GOTTA HAVE OTHER CLOTHES TO HAVE LINT!!! LMFAO!!!! SHIT BEING BROKE SUCKS!
Fucking right!
I’ve half way through school trying to get into a trade, but when summer comes around and I apply for a smaller position when what I’m training for I got no “experience” “I should volunteer to get more” Okay fine, but how the fuck I’m I suppose to get money to pay for school to get my degree when I’m fucking volunteering!?
Looking online for average joe jobs, almost ever bloody one of them
“7 months + experience” “Experience and asset” How the hell am I suppose to get experience when you don’t hire me because of my lack of experience!? It’s a god damn vicious circle with big ass fucking teeth that just can’t wait to bite us in the fucking ass.
FML…… or should it be FOL?
THHHHAAAAANNNNNKKKKK YOUUU!!!! Couldnt say it better. I am fallling in to tears right now ’cause i cant get no job.
grrrrr. Society
fuck that guys i hear ya. i cnt get a job because apparently being a tweaker and a junkie for five years doesnt count as “experience” goddamn haters
fuck! that craigslist ad was intense! but i can definitely relate… ive been unemployed for exactly 2 years now. like many of you ive googled “find me a fucking job” and here i am. i chose to leave my sandwhich making job in pittsburgh for a girl, hopes, and dreams in california… and i really want my old job back, but cant convince my girl to come with. the only luck ive had is one fake interview with a pyramid scheme called “primerica” and 2 real interviews that i was sure i was going to get, 1 week and 3 days of work with a staffing agency that uses you and abuses you then leaves you out to dry when you need them… that seems to be the common trend nowadays though. so fuck it! i decided to try out some money generating websites, and the only one that seems to stand out is Varolo. its completely free to sign up so i said “fuck it”, i got afew people to join me over the past 2 days and was able to go from a dime on sunday to a quarter today… which is more than i had on saturday, so ill see where this takes me. good luck out there everybody!
I’ve been unable to find work for a year and a half. Ironically, I actually had a job with a security firm, but due to the awkward structuring of the hiring process (giving me the drug test and orientation BEFORE a secondary interview) it actually fucked me out of a job through no fault of my own. When I called my recruiter (security firm) I was fed some bullshit line ‘Things are a little slow right now’. I don’t give a fuck!! Give my fuckin’ job!! I put in continously for various types of work in which I have experience. Nothing. In reality, I should have gotten a job months ago. But, since the economy is so fucked, and the rich are cornholing the taxpayers on a regular basis (getting richer off our suffering), the only way to get a job is through a friend or relative. The old saying remains more true now than ever ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’.
It’s as simple as that. Unfortunately, I don’t know anybody. I’m going around like a jackass believing that if I show the proper qualifications and present myself well I should get the job. When in reality, the position is already filled by a buddy or the boss’s nephew in need to pay off college tuition. Fuck the boss, fuck the buddy, and fuck the nephew. A final swift kick in the balls is the city isn’t hiring for dick either. Yet these crooked motherfuckers are always collecting ‘application fees’. Great, more money that can be mismanaged and be given out as bonuses to those slimy, swarthy, corporate motherfuckers who have bled this country dry.
Here’s my final bit of advice for the qualified and well-educated people who can’t get a job due to the impending third-world status this country is about to obtain. For the women, start stripping, there’s always a market for that. For the men, start donating your semen (it pays fairly decent) or you can just walk up to the front door of your local representive and leave them a free sample, just to let them know how you feel about the job their doing. FUCK THE GOVERNMENT!!!
yo damnnnn!
URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM FRUSTRATED. The internet’s a bag of shit for trying to find a suitable job and without one I can’t afford the fucking petrol to go round looking for one, and the places are all too far apart to walk too. And no, I cannot afford to do 6 months voluntary work doing all of your dirty skivvy jobs to get the stupid experience for your stupid job doing the most basic things EVER, what do these people expect you to live off whilst doing voluntary work anyway?
Quite frankly, what a load of fucking shit the employment system is.
i have had jobs that have been so fuckin close its sickening..had a job i was supposed to start in a week..nope…they call 5 days before startin and say that they were going to try to make it work but they couldn’t..some kind of budget cut or some shit..y go through any of the hiring process in the first place if that’s what ur intentions were in the first place…fuck me
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